Unsent Letters: I’m Over My Job (Again) Edition
Fri, Nov 11, 2011
If you’ve read here lately, this post needs no introduction. However, if you’re new, you can read all kinds of job related posts, like the one where I got over my last job. Or the one where I thought (mistakenly) that I liked my new job. Or, more recently, the ones where I learned that I really screwed up by taking my current job and that my paychecks make no sense.
Also, if you need a frame of reference, there are past versions of unsent letters here and here.
All set? Very well. Let the bitchfest begin.
Dear Kentucky Medicaid,
Thank you ever so much for choosing to switch from regular Medicaid to THREE separate managed care companies on November 1. I’m so glad that each of them has different rules and requirements for therapy, different paperwork, and that those requirements have changed roughly 18 times since we were notified of all the changes. Especially since my agency waited until October 28 (a Friday) to tell us about any of this.
I am so pumped about the extra hours I get to spend figuring out which plan each client has, trying to remember what I have to do for said plan, and faxing in all the precise paperwork. And I especially love finding out that the paperwork changed again and I need to fill out the NEW forms and fax them again. My clients think it’s awesome that I spend their whole session debating whether they need 12 or 16 “units” of therapy per month and asking them to rate their level of homicidal rage on a scale of 1-10 so I can check a box on your already outdated forms.
In case you’re wondering, MY homicidal rage is 11 on a 1-10 scale. I’m glad I get free therapy from my coworkers and that you’re a nameless, faceless entity because otherwise I might have to smother you. With my joy, I mean.
Love, Andrea
Dear Office Manager Who Does My Billing,
I am so appreciative of your lack of effort in billing my appointments for the past six months. It was so hilarious how you noticed a problem but failed to tell me about it, resulting in dozens of hours of suspended billing that I never got paid for. You don’t just fail - you fail harder than anyone else I’ve ever known. I’m aware of the effort it takes and I want you to know that I noticed.
Now I have a ton of back billing coming through all at once, putting me over my units for uninsured people by 25 hours. Which means 25 hours will be subtracted from my billing for the pay period - the one where I was determined to earn a real paycheck. I will think fondly of your face when I see my direct deposit, which will likely be less than $200.
I salute you. Bitch.
Love, Andrea
Dear Boss’s Administrative Assistant,
When I call you, it’s because I have a question or a need. I’d much rather call my boss, but she’s too busy being a psychiatrist and seeing her patients so I get stuck with your stupid ass instead. The least you can do is pick up the phone. Or, you know, CALL ME BACK once in awhile.
Also, when you do bother making time to return my calls, don’t tell me you aren’t sure why I’m in the system as full time when I was supposed to be part time. You’re the one that put me in the stupid system! Do not play dumb with me. And don’t tell me you don’t know the difference between full time and part time, because if you don’t, you’re a bigger idiot than I thought.
How can you possibly be responsible for the schedules and personnel issues of 50 therapists and know nothing about anything? If I had a dollar for every time I rolled my eyes while talking to you, I’d have more than the amount of my last paycheck. Not that my last paycheck was very hard to top.
May you wake up tomorrow in the form of a hairless cat. A hairless cat owned by 20 hyperactive children who desperately want to give you a bath.
Love, Andrea
Dear HR Department,
I find it truly amazing that none of you know the difference between full time, part time, and PRN status for my job. I’m not sure how the agency managed to find three people who offer people jobs yet can’t explain the pay for them.
So the requirements on my offer letter, the one I signed when I took the job, don’t match the requirements in the policy manual? And the actual requirements are even MORE stringent than the ones I thought I had to follow? It’s a nice touch that I’m still held to the policy standards even though YOU sent the letter with incorrect information. That’s awesome! Is there anything else I should know about, like the requirement to provide easy access to my soul so you can devour it?
What’s that? You looked at my payroll history and can’t believe my checks are so low? WOW, ME NEITHER! Oh, and you aren’t sure how to explain it? And you don’t know anyone in the company who can? Sweet! This makes my day.
Thank you for sucking so hard that I now feel better about my own competency level. Thank you for reminding me that things could always be worse - I could be a douche nozzle like all three of you.
Love, Andrea
Dear Sucktastic Job,
You may not realize it, but your days of torturing me are numbered. It won’t take much more for me to put in my super long 30 day notice and experience homelessness rather than waste another day of my life performing highly stressful work for low pay that no one can explain.
I’m over therapy. I’m over all the lies, half-truths, and misinformation that convinced me you were the best thing for me. I’m over the panic every payday while I figure out which bills I can pay and imagine myself on a street corner trying to make ends meet. I’m over feeling like a bigger slave than I was in my previous sucktastic job.
I refuse to blame myself for this. We took things slow in the beginning - I just wanted something extra on the side - until you convinced me that wasn’t enough. You needed me all the time, and in return you would give me all these exciting things like freedom, money, and more time with my son. So I gave in. And instead of the wonderful life you promised, you robbed me blind, forced me to do all kinds of things you knew I didn’t want to, drove me crazy with your wishy washy bullshit, and made me cry.
I’m too strong for this. I will NOT be your doormat. When I find a replacement, it may not be as sleek and alluring on the outside, but it will meet my needs better than you ever could.
It’s over between us. I’m just using you until something better comes along. For the foreseeable future, you’re MY bitch. I’m done being yours.
Love, Andrea
I'm really sorry to hear they still have not fixed your paychecks and that they just keep complicating things on you. Hope things improve soon, or that you find something else and can get rid of them.
"Unsent Letters" - they may be unsent, but they are now published!
Did you put in your notice? I hope things look up for you soon!
Haven't put in my notice yet; I'm trying to tell myself it's a bad idea when I don't have another job to go to. Then again, I don't know if it's worth it when I'm not making enough money to pay for the gas I use to drive to work. Sigh. I'm going to make some kind of decision over the weekend - I can't keep doing this.
Hopefully your employers don't see these hate letters! They were entertaining, however. Hope it gets better for you!
AWESOME letters (not an awesome situation). Hope that everything works out!
I love these letters but am soooooo sorry you ever had the need to vent like this. Good luck finding a way better job and yay for making this one your bitch until you don't need it anymore!
PS That hairless cat curse made me laugh out loud, so I scared my dogs, hahaha.
I am shocked that an employer in any state can get away with this kind of hanky panky legally. We have laws against jaywalking but not this??? Crazy! Too bad you can't insist that the office manager take the 25 hour hit on HER paycheck, since she wasn't doing her job. It might encourage her to do it in future.
I like your unsent letters. As far as I'm concerned you can rant as much as you like. You certainly have a lot going on that is rant worthy! Meanwhile, I sincerely hope that something shakes loose and starts going your way very soon. You could definitely use a break!
**I'm not in any way defending her employer. Nor am I saying that Andrea fits in the mold of the stereotypical social worker.**
The stereotypical social worker is a complex person. Super people oriented, but, in general, the kind of person who isn't going to bother scrubbing every detail of their paycheck each week. The stereotype is really laid back, and doesn't like the whole "business" thing, just the whole "making lives better" thing. My guess is that there are potentially several other social workers who are getting the shaft at her place of employment and just haven't realized it. Seriously, this could have gone on for years without notice by any of the other people who work there. Basically, HR does nothing but respond to complaints. Otherwise, commence twiddling thumbs. On the other side of the coin, I'm going to go out on a limb to say that the other social workers probably haven't invested a lot (any) of their time in understanding how they get paid.If no one had brought this up before (which I suggest is very, very likely), Andrea's probably the first person to even notice. HR, after twiddling thumbs for so long, probably has no idea what they're even supposed to do, what the employee contract looks like, or even how to respond to a problem like this. If you sit on your hands long enough, your brain turns to gel.It's a good thing that Andrea isn't your stereotypical social worker. But, for that, she pays the price of having to fix the business' problems (that likely should have been fleshed out YEARS ago) and, sorry Andrea, taken advice from co-workers who understand that "things get better over time" but that things "are never exactly as they're supposed to be because there's no check on the system."
I love your closing "I'm just using you until something better comes along. For the foreseeable future, you're MY bitch. I'm done being yours." That's exactly the new perspective I needed to hear to think about my current sucktastic job. I'm not going to let it own me and suck my soul, I'm just taking advantage of it until I find something actually worth my care and attention. Thanks for the new perspective, Andrea!
Wow, Andrea! I found these unsent letters through Budgeting in the Fun Stuff, and they made me laugh my ass off. But it was that kind of "ha-ha so I don't boo-hoo" laugh you get when you recognize the truth in sucktitude. I hope you work it all out with the job and I'll share with you my two favorite curses. My grandmother Betta liked to say "May s/he get what s/he deserves," which I like because it doesn't f**k with my karma. And my grandmother Ruthie liked to say "May s/he get bleeding hemorrhoids!" which I like because it's vicious. I hope they work for you.
Hi Andrea, Wow! Just read all of your letters. I certainly hope you get things straightened out OR you get rid of that job! Hoping things get better soon.
Awesome! You tell em what they need to hear.