The WTF Search Awards
Sun, Feb 5, 2012
It’s been awhile since I went through my search referrals, and MAN did I miss out on some weirdness! I thought the whole slow vagina thing was as strange as it could get, but I was totally wrong.
There were so many interesting searches that led people here, I decided it might be unfair to pick and choose only a few to highlight. Instead, I’ve divided them into categories for the 1st Semi-Annual WTF Search Awards. I’ll select my favorites from each category, and you can feel free to disagree in the comments.
*All search terms have been left intact, including atrocious grammar, spelling, and/or structure.
Category: Best Use of Google for Random Confessions
The nominees are:
- “daughter walked right passed me like i wasn’t there”
- “financial bloggers are terrible”
- “i don’t wanna hook up with kyle”
- “i run and hide every time a policeman show up at my door to serve me with a summons”
- “i wish i could share my pizza”
- “lost my panties in victorias secret”
- “i don’t buy toothpaste because i get it for free”
- “don’t get behind me in line, i coupon”
- “i’m techno and you’re not”
- “sometimes i think and sometimes i don’t”
And the WTF Award goes to……
“lost my panties in victorias secret” - First, how does that happen? Second, what are you hoping to gain by telling Google about it? I’m pretty sure even Google Maps couldn’t help you find your lost panties - you’ll have to just go to the store and buy more. Which is just what they WANT you to do.
Category: Nosiest Search
The nominees are:
- “andrea is calling you so pick up the phone”
- “how andrea got pregnant”
- “andrea is a single mom”
- “what did andrea screw up”
And the WTF Award goes to……
Category: Most Supernatural Search
The nominees are:
- “evil hidden messages in logos”
- “how to find out if a fairy is around you”
- “smart goals zombie”
- “zombie lessons”
- “jd roth are you scared of the dark”
- “help for my destiny”
And the WTF Award goes to……
“smart goals zombie” - I don’t really love SMART goals. That said, I would love to know what kind of SMART goals a zombie would set for itself. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Bound. Hmmm… “I will eat five human brains by the end of the day.” That’s actually a lot more exciting than most of the goals I’ve read about lately!
Category: Most Perverted Search
The nominees are:
- “full leg cast”
- “behind every great woman is a man checking out her ass meaning”
- “free thong panties mailed to my house no cost”
And the WTF Award goes to……
“full leg cast” - Some of you may have missed this story. I broke a few of my toes awhile back, and some guy on Twitter was asking if I had to get a cast. After awhile, it became apparent that he was getting some kind of thrill - I checked his profile and it was nothing but, “Oh no! Did you have to get a leg cast?” directed at women. Some googling of my own taught me that this is a thing; some people get a sexual thrill out of women wearing casts on their legs. *shudder* WTF, indeed.
Category: Best Use of Google as a Therapist/Psychic
The nominees are:
- “how can i connect my hose to my neighbors, her water got shut off til tomorrow and they have no water”
- “how much do a person pay for clothes making 7.25 an hour”
- “what is the name of the coupon site i have been seeing commercials for”
- “what mbti type are prone to spreadsheets”
- “what should my bills be”
- “can a person with abandonment issues seem like a stalker”
- “can i write a check to myself if i have no money but i have overdraft protection”
- “does it really matter if i shop at walmart”
- “how do i get rid of insufficient credit history”
- “why can’t my ex just pay the lunch money”
And the WTF Award goes to……
“why can’t my ex just pay the lunch money” - Probably for the same reason mine can’t, honey. I bet he’s broke and irresponsible and just plain annoying. That’s probably part of the reason he’s your ex. Just pay for your kid’s lunch and be glad you don’t have to deal with that asshole anymore.
Category: Epic All By Itself
This search is so awesome, it gets a WTF Award just for existing. Feast your eyes on THIS:
“for example me i work at a fast food restaurant and all you get paid is minimum wage and in reality i will never go anywhere in life with this job so this is why i am going to college so that i can get a real job where i get paid lots of money and go somewhere in life”
I just hope college teaches that person to divide thoughts into separate sentences.
This is very funny. Good morning laugh.
Thanks for that Andrea, a perfect way to end my weekend with a laugh! I'm just wondering though how come people are finding you when searching for “i run and hide every time a policeman show up at my door to serve me with a summons”? Is there something we should know?
Well, I did post about being served with a summons once. But I didn't hide from the police - actually I answered the door with a big dumb grin on my face because I was expecting a friend of mine. Embarrassing!
LOL. I'm busting a gut at the zombie goals comment - the cast thing is just plain weird.
You made me choke on my coffee! I could've died because of you! Hilarious. I sometimes go through those in analytics as well. Sometimes you wonder WTF people are thinking or looking for when they google something.
Very entertaining post. I think there are still a lot of people out there that don't understand how the internet works, these searches are a prime example.
It does sort of sound like the searcher picked up a phone and called a psychic or help line, doesn't it? “what is the name of the coupon site i have been seeing commercials for”??? Really?
I actually use questions like those as keywords in my SEO plugin because people use them so often. I think that's why my search traffic has gone up lately.
I hollared! Thanks, Andrea.
man your search terms are always so good! my new blog has no interesting search terms yet, but maybe once it's more established. I did get the odd funny one on hithatsmybike.com but nothing like this. I probably need to expand my writing.
I think it's a sign that I write about really random things. Part of me thinks I should rope it in a little, and the other part is like, "Pfft! This is entertaining!"
I LOLed.
My own blog is so new that I'm still surprised people find it through Google search. But I did have a pretty great keyword search last month: http://mlisunderstanding.blogspot.com/2012/01/str…
Haha these are great! I kind of think/hope that the last one was trying to type somewhere else, and accidentally typed in Google instead. That still wouldn't help with the lack of sentences, though.
hehehe hilarious! That cast fetish is bizarre. I really liked "can I write a check to myself if I have no money but have overdraft protection" oh, this poor person. I feel for them!
I got a kick out of that one too. I really wish I could find the people and ask what they ended up doing. I'd love to know how writing oneself a check worked out.
that is nuts. you have some creative ones that's for sure!
haha I love these. I posted something like this yesterday, but they were not as good.
hahahah…. This is a hilarious
These are all just toward your site? Wow.. haha, there are some hilarious ones there!
HAHAHA!! oh man wrong idea to read this at work. I'm laughing at my desk my coworkers are prolly thinking im weird. Call me crazy but i see how some of these searches lead to your site like fairy tales one and the victoria's secret panty because you wrote about the victoria secret card. haha how are you able to find out this information??
I have all kinds of stats - Jetpack, Google Analytics, and StatCounter - that tell me more than I probably ever wanted to know about my visitors.
I can see the common thread with some of them, but I still have a hard time figuring out why my site would be the most relevant!
I love this one: "behind every great woman is a man checking out her ass meaning", what the hell is an ass meaning? And the leg cast thing is ridiculous - I had something similar happen on twitter once when I posted about wrestling myself into a pair of pantyhose. It really brought the creepers out of the woodwork!
I think the person wanted the meaning of "Behind every great woman is a man checking out her ass." But I can't figure out why someone can't read that and know what it means. Oh well, I can't try to read the psychotic mind I guess.
"JD Roth are you scared of the dark" really creeped me out.
What kinda stuff you writing about here Andrea lol!????!!!?
Your search posts always make me feel better.
For me, I've got "medicines to remove fear" (I wish), "how does banana get affected" (by having an effect on it), "how does vinegar affect my teeths" (by making them delicious), and "how to vibe a girl" (dude, if you're asking the internet, you don't need to worry about it).
Yuck! Vinegar-flavored teeth just made me throw up in my mouth a little. (Another one of my popular search referrals.)