I really try not to whine all the time. I could, quite easily, but I know no one wants to read that crap (including me). Other than a few miniature breakdowns here and there, I try to keep it positive and look for things to get better.
Today is not one of those days.
Guys, I am freaking out. Absolutely freaking out. 24/7. When I’m writing posts, joking around on Twitter, or trying to work on freelance stuff, I’m usually either crying or trying to keep from crying. I can’t motivate myself to get anything done because I’m too busy searching for a way out of this mess. And every day that passes with no solution seems to increase my stress exponentially.
I know we aren’t supposed to waste time on regrets or beating ourselves up over our past mistakes, but I can’t help it sometimes. Today I just wish I could get a do-over for my entire life. That sounds so dumb and dramatic to say but it’s the truth. I can’t pinpoint exactly when everything got so ridiculous, so I’d rather just start from scratch.
Between my money/job situation, issues with my son, dealing with my cousin’s finances, a certain family member making me feel guilty for breathing, and a TON of personal crap going on, I don’t know how much more I can handle.
I’ve never been one to ask for help unless things are just really, really bad. But today I’m asking for prayers, thoughts, good karma, whatever. I just don’t know what to do and I’m tired of pretending that I’m okay when I’m not. I now feel completely pathetic. That is all.
oh man andrea. im so beyond there. i feel like im completely lost and hurt. but know for reading your post helped me. i feel like i screw up all the time money wise, my sons father is worthless, i cant be a good mom. but sometimes the best thing is not wishing someone else felt this way but there is comfort when you find someone else struggling and realizing your not alone. ill pray for you and in the end i guess we both know this is is one trial period in our life.
I'm usually not very good at offering comfort, never quite know what to say. But I'll be sending all the good karma I can muster your way, and then some!
Hang in there!
Good thought are coming your way! I am new to your blog (have only been reading for a month or 2), but maybe you need to take some things off your plate? Is there anyone else who can handle your cousins finances (even for a short time)? And don't let your family get you down!!!!!! Sometimes families just suck (believe me, I know!), and when that happens, you have to make your friends into your family. I know things will work out for you, it takes time though.
No reason to feel pathetic. We all have our bad days, weeks, months. You'll pull out of it, but in the mean time lots of good thoughts towards you and your situation. Hope things get better hon.
*Virtual Hugs* I'm sending good thoughts your way. I will be praying for you to get out of whatever mess your in. I'm sorry you're going through this. Keep your chin up. Good things will come.
You can do it! You are a strong woman…and you are just having a moment of doubt. You can do it!!! It will get better….promise.
I'm so sorry Andrea! If you ever need someone to rant to, DM me!
I never write comments on blogs (even when I love a post - I really should right??) but I just wanted to say that your blog is so inspiring and even though we don't know each other - and live all the way over here in the UK - I feel like I DO know you! You have a lot of stuff going on that would overwhelm anyone… I always try to remember that the good times will come as they always do, even if you can't believe it xxx
Andrea; I want you to look at it like this.
You are a mother, one who fights for her child and tries to do everything in her power to provide him with what he needs or just plain old wants. You have taught him some pretty amazing life lessons and from what you've written here about him, he seems to be a pretty upstanding young man. In and of itself right there, you have done a huge accomplishment in life.
You got through a divorce, you've dug yourself out of debt, you've taken the steps to be a better person, to live a fuller life, and to work on getting on that path in life that gets you where you want to go. You overcame hardships and hurdles that a lot of people would have just given up on. But you didn't. You kept moving forward.
Look at how much help you offer here. Look at all the people who say "Wow, that Andrea, she is doing something great! She has been helping people understand where they come from, how they got here, and how they are going to move ahead in life with debt".
You take it one day at a time and one problem at a time. You've made a game plan for all sorts of debt, sit down and make a game plan for life. Pick out the easiest of problems and work up to the hardest, look at what is directly in front of you and start climbing. And don't be scared to ask for help. Emotional help from friends and family, guidance from friends and family, it's all free and can help you not carry the burdens all by yourself. You shouldn't have to, to begin with.
Just remember that you've overcome a lot. You've already climbed that mountain a few times. You know your path, you just have a few more hurdles this time around and maybe this journey you need a few more people to climb it with you.
You've done an outstanding job in life, you will find your way on this one. =)
I can relate in so many ways. My mountain of debt is huge!! I take care of two stepkids. I’m being laid off next month. With that said, even though I’m very stressed I amlooking forward to new opportunities. Starting something new is always scary. You can overcome these challenges - look for what is fun in your life!!
Oh Andrea! Hang in there because it will get better. You are an amazing, determined person and you'll figure it out. When one door closes, you either put a stick in it to keep it open or start looking for another door. I ditto guyerhd above. Very good advice. Hugs and prayers being sent your way. Chin up!
Honey if I lived closer I’d bring over my stash of booze and throw one hell of party. This has been a super shit week for me so I could use it. Since I can’t do that I’ll just remind you that whatever you decide I’m behind you 100%. I know you can do this. Let me know if you need a hand with anything.
I'm sorry you feel this way You're such an amazing person and a strong woman, I know you can pull through. If you ever want to talk about it, you can always email/DM me. I hope things get better for you soon.
Aw my friend how can we help *roles up sleeves* other then sending you good karma *send*. As Rachel said we are behind you 100%
Just said a prayer for you.
Sounds like you may need to put some family members on the periphery of your life and keep them at arms length so they're not a constant thorn in your side. Sometimes you have to do that just to stay sane, even with family.
A prayer from over the waves.
Chunk the issues, ignore the immediately insoluble and concentrate on your child and other things that are important to you.
Check out our friend Elaine's site at http://www.mortgagefreeinthree.com - there are zillions of good ideas (she's just joined Yakezie) from someone left with 0.71p. three nappies and two kids and a massive threat that the bank would take her house away.
Remember you are not alone but there are (virtual) friends out here.
Many hugs and good vibes!! You're an awesome person and you'll make it… hang on.
I am sorry to hear you're going thru so much right now. I am sending prayers and hugs your way.
I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. It'll get better.
Until it does, you'll just need to let the unimportant things slip - whether that means hanging up the phone because "there's someone at the door" or letting the housework slide, choose the urgent things over the important and do what you need to do. You'll get through this.
Andrea, you have incredible courage to fight the many battles you've taken on. I am so proud of you! Thanks for being honest with us and letting us all rally around you. This life is too tough to handle alone. Praying for you today and happy to help any way I can!
Sorry to hear Andrea. You are in my thoughts. Hope things get better soon! You are an amazing person!!!! Don't forget that.
Andrea, I have been where you are. Just keep doing what you are doing. Keep being a good parent to your child, keep working on your online business if that is what you want to do and if that is where you find personal fulfillment and purpose. There comes a point when you have to start being selfish with your time ~ there are only so many hours in the day. If you are overwhelmed with other stuff aside from your family and your job, it's time to start letting things go. It may make you unpopular with people but it cannot be helped if you are having a nervous breakdown because of pressures. It's difficult to say no to people but you are going to have to start. Good luck!
I have been where you are. It is so easy to get stuck in those bad feelings. It is so hard to constantly rise above when the situation is really just plain ugly. So, OK, just let the emotions run for a little while. Have yourself a good cry. pound on a pillow. The trick is to set a limit on how much time you will allow yourself to vent. You might be surprised at how short that time can be if you really let the feelings go, in a safe way and safe place of course. A good cry or beating the pillow session can run for 3-5 minutes. Once you are done stand up and shake it off. Then it is back to business, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, looking forward, moving forward with your eyes on the prize.
Hey Andrea, sorry I'm reading this so late. Be strong girl, and email if you need ANYTHING (seriously, whatever is in my power I will do for you!).
<3 lots of good karma coming your way, I'm sure of it
"Fear of failure is a strait-jacket of your own making" - JK Rowling
Andrea, wishing you all the good karma and peace of mind in the universe today. I've only been reading your blog for a couple of months but it is quite obvious that you can - and have - done whatever you've set your mind to.
First though, FORGIVE YOURSELF for your past mistakes. Write them all down one more time if you need to, then set them on fire. Scatter the ashes.
Second, divorce yourself from the story of those mistakes because it does nothing to serve you moving forward. Past Andrea is not today's Andrea. Let go of the hope that the past could be any different than it actually was because - barring a time machine - there is literally nothing you can do about it. And that's kind of liberating.
Third, only you and your son matter in your efforts. Walk away from the people who don't get that. Walk away from the people who want to hold you to your mistakes/past. If they're not "TEAM ANDREA" they don't get to share in the awesomeness that is you or the joy that is your son.
Finally, freak out when you need to. Wrestle with the strait-jacket of fear until you're exhausted, truly exhausted of everything its keeping you from doing, then find the zipper and shed the jacket.
Hang in there, Ms. Andrea… Things will get better.. Believe in yourself.
Good things happen to good people in this world.
Andrea, I don’t know what to tell you, but I am praying for you and your family. I hope things get easier soon!
I think the comments already left pretty much say it all, Andrea. Just know that you're in my thoughts and prayers as well.
Everyone here has said it already, but I am sending you my best wishes and keeping you in my thoughts, I do want to see things work out for you and your family, because you provide true support and advice to so many of us. You do a great job with everything you do and I think you have everything it takes to be what you want to be, do what you want to do. It totally doesn't mean you don't have sucky as balls days that make you want to give up on everything, but don't. Why? Because you are amazing, you are wonderful, you make us laugh and you are just overall the kind of person that gives me hope for humanity. Sometimes you meet people and you think, man, this dude sucks at life. Well, you are the type that inspires the exact opposite of that. Keep your head up mama. Your son and his amazing qualities show us who you are as a person
Andrea I'm so sorry to hear things aren't going well. I know it must be rough if you are posting about it so I hope things get better ASAP. I'm thinking about you!
So sorry to hear this. Sending prayers your way…again, everyone has said everything…thank you for sharing with us and remember what you have already overcome. You are strong, you are a fighter, you are an incredible mom, there will be something really amazing right around the corner. This is my prayer for you!!
I've been away from the computer since the end of last week and am just now getting caught up. I'm so sorry to hear you're having a hard time! I have absolutely been there - in the midst of times when it seems like nothing goes right.
Praying for peace and comfort for you, as well as God's providence in your situation.
I work from home, and have very little contact with people. Oftentimes everything that's going on in my life (and never the positive things) get stuck in a loop in my head and I've noticed that things only get worse when that happens. It's probably too personal an offering, but if you ever need to vent to someone random, my skype is always open to you. You are a wonderful person, and I know we all try to stay positive when things are going badly, if only to try and push ourselves in the right way, but sometimes you just need to let it all out, and we are all here if you do.